im drinking this country out of the recession.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you inspire me to be a worse person
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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