Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize