Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
