U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
