i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
