My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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