You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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