the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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