i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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