I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
