apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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