Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
