im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
