So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
