I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
