i think my mom watched the whole time
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
