I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
