Kiss
Puke
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
