I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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