just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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