who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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