i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
