My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
