Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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