Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
