Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
