WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
two words: eviction party
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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