Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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