Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
