Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize