so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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