i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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