apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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