I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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