In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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