so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
