I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
