i wish semen tasted like chocolate
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
As shirtless as possible
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
