I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
