please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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