So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my phone needs a breathalizer
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
