i just wanna soil my oats bro
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
