I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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