You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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