Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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