who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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