i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
