Yo dont text me then not text me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
