you're like a bully in the Christmas story
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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