She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
