a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
