after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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