I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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