Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
