my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i came on her dog
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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