if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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