I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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