She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
