Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
