my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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