How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
