Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize