Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
