How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
