It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
