im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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