I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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