I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
